Students Stopping Rape

It Affects Me: Part 3: Survivor Begins to Pick Up the Shattered Remains

posted by Admin (Our Press)

By Imani Rupert and Muriel Philips
[ View original article ]

When Eva said that she was raped, my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. It was unreal, so many thoughts were going through my head, but it all came down to one thing - my best friend had been violated, and I felt completely helpless.

I know I should have had so much to say to her. But the truth is, for the life of me, I couldn’t come up with one thing. On the very rare occasion that I could find enough words to make a sentence, I was worried that it was the wrong thing to say and that it wouldn’t help. But luckily I didn’t have to say anything. She didn’t have to say anything either. Eva cried to me, and I just held her.

After two hours of listening to Eva cry, my body was numb. I felt like I was watching the two of us from outside my body. But then things changed. Instantly, Eva stopped crying and stood up. I didn’t see tears in her eyes anymore. She was afraid.

She said something then that I had never even considered: “What if he got me pregnant?”

Like clockwork, my roommate came in asking for five bucks to pay the taxi outside. I grabbed Eva’s hand and took the taxi to Cottage Hospital.

The ride there was the first time I talked to Eva since it happened. I told her that I loved her, that I would always be there for her, that I would take care of everything that I could. I talked the entire ride there, in part to help comfort her, but also to help comfort myself.

After we got there, I filled out what I could of Eva’s medical forms and asked if she wanted me to call her mom. She said she wasn’t ready to confide in anyone else but me.

I waited for Eva while she had her examination. When she came out, she looked exhausted. I hugged her and she told me the doctor knew. She told me that she was worried that everyone could see. She started crying and asked me if she looked like a girl who had just been raped.

Without even looking at her I said that she didn’t. It was then that I realized the severity of this situation. I wasn’t sure of the best way to help my friend.

While we were waiting for a cab, Eva explained that she was introduced to SART, the Sexual Assault Response Team at Cottage Hospital. They explained the intricate details of sexual assault and the complexities of its aftermath. I didn’t know what to say. This was all happening so quickly.

The ride home was surreal. Both of us just sat there in silence, completely fatigued. Eva didn’t say anything, but I knew what was on her mind - Eva was contemplating pressing charges.

Imani Rupert and Muriel Philips are media interns for the Rape Prevention Education Program.

Men Against Rape Hold Penis Registration Drive

posted by Admin (Men Against Rape, Our Press)

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On Wednesday, men lined up at a card table in front of the Arbor to show their support for sexual assault victims by pledging not to be pricks with their penises.

The penis registry, sponsored by Men Against Rape, was one of the many Take Back the Night activities held this week. It was designed to inform men about their role in sexual assault and to expose them to MAR, one of three organizations, along with Take Back the Night and Students Stopping Rape, that make up UCSB’s Rape Prevention and Education Program.

From 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., members of Men Against Rape grabbed students’ attention by shouting things like, “Are you sure your penis doesn’t need a permit?” Curious passers-by were asked to take a “Penis Registry Quiz,” answering true or false to statements like, “My penis needs permission to be in or exposed around another person,” and, “My penis is to be used for such activities as pleasure, procreation, etc. but is not an instrument of power.”

The quiz was designed to teach men they might still be contributing to violence against women even if they have never raped a woman.

“One in 10 men is a sexual assaulter, but without awareness-raising activities like these, he may not even realize how wrong what he’s doing really is. It’s important that men understand that sexual assault affects everyone, and that everyone has a hand in it, because we’re all a part of this rape culture,” said Stephanie Molen, co-chair of Take Back the Night and a junior psychology and music major at UCSB.

The men who passed the penis registry quiz by answering every question correctly were awarded a “Certificate of Competence” with contact information for MAR and helpful “penis-management guidelines” such as, “When not in use, a penis should be stored in a dark, cool, dry place” printed on it. Those men who failed the quiz were instead handed a “learner’s permit,” but Dustin Fujikawa, a MAR member and an undeclared freshman, said only one or two men had failed the quiz.

Although most men left the registry table giggling, many, such as Eyal Aharoni, a research assistant at UCSB’s Psychology Dept. and newly licensed penis user, expressed their satisfaction with being able to take part in a good cause.

“I’m glad to have this opportunity as a man to get involved in the action against sexual assault. I’ve thought about getting involved in the past, but I wasn’t sure how to do it. Now I’ll be able to contact Men Against Rape and possibly contribute further in the future,” Aharoni said.

MAR will hold a rally at Storke Plaza on May 17 to raise awareness about the organization. Take Back the Night will continue through Friday, and will host a rally and march tonight at 5 p.m. in Anisq’Oyo’ Park.

It Affects Me: Part 2: A Nice Evening Turns Ugly

posted by Admin (Our Press)

By Imani Rupert & Muriel Philips
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The Bill’s Bus ride to Calypso’s was interesting. Eventually, I figured out Eva’s friend’s name. It was Brad. We all got along so well. Brad was really cool after I got to know him, and it seemed like we had all been friends for so much longer than an hour.

Soon we ended up at Calypso’s. Once we got inside I saw a few of our friends at the bar. So we all went over there first, had a drink and chatted it up for awhile. A little later, the girls and I decided it was due time to hit the dance floor. All of us went out except for Brad and Eva and one of Brad’s friends, Dave. I, being my nosy self, kept checking on them to see where the sparks were flying. A couple times I looked and they weren’t there, but then they would soon appear from wherever they had gone.

This time it was a little longer, so I walked over to Dave who had been sitting with them and asked where they went. He thought maybe the bathroom or outside. He seemed pretty confident that they were still around, so I didn’t see any reason to call out the search squad.

Before I knew it, it was 2 a.m. and we still hadn’t seen Brad and Eva. We decided to wait a little longer, hoping that if they did go anywhere else they would be back soon. Soon everyone was getting restless and wanted to leave. I tried calling Eva on her cell but kept getting her voice mail. They must have been somewhere loud or talking and didn’t want to be interrupted or something like that. But either way it wasn’t like Eva to just not answer her phone, especially when my name appeared on her screen.

We left Calypso’s at 2:30 a.m. Soon after we got back everyone left my house, so I walked over to Eva’s, hoping she was there, only to find that nobody had returned home yet. Walking back home I remembered getting jealous of her again. Tactlessly thinking to myself how lucky she always was and here I was alone again. And, to top it all off, she didn’t even have to wear the leather pants.

I got home at like 3:15-3:30ish and climbed into bed. A few seconds later, I heard someone come up to my window and lightly tap it again and again. I got a little scared, but the voice that followed was Eva’s. Phew! I went to the door and let her in. She was a mess; her hair was all matted, mascara everywhere, her eyes were puffy, red and soaked with tears. She was shaking. It was bad.

I brought her in and tried to calm her down. All she could do was hold on to me like there was no tomorrow and whimper as she tried to catch her breath. I told her to take her time and just relax; it would be okay. Little did I know what I was dealing with.

Gradually she started telling me bit by bit. “He was so sweet … He didn’t mean to … I know him, we have lab together … We were having fun … I should have worn my black blouse instead … (and lastly) … It was my fault!”

Finally, I asked her straight-out what had happened, what was her fault. That’s when she looked me in the eye and said, “He raped me.”

Imani Rupert and Muriel Philips are media interns for the Rape Prevention Education Program.

It Affects Me: Part 1: ‘She Was in the Best Mood’

posted by Admin (Our Press)

By Imani Rupert & Muriel Philips
[ View original Daily Nexus article ]

Editors Note: This is the first installment of a multi-part story about rape and its aftermath. Installments of “It Affects Me” will run every Wed. here on the Opinion page. April is Sexual Assualt Awarness Month. The authors are media interns for the Rape Prevention Education Program.

It’s four o’clock in the morning and all I can think is that if I had just let her borrow my leather pants this never would have happened.

So I guess I should start at my house. We were pre-partying there, and it was cool. Eva looked hot - she always looks hot - which is part of the problem. She was wearing these dark jeans and this sparkly shirt that said “Material Girl” on it.

I could go into a lot of detail about how hot she looked, but it all boils down to one thing - Eva is a lot prettier than me, and I’m jealous of her - was jealous of her; I’m getting over that. So anyway, we were drinking and somehow Eva managed to spill a beer, in its entirety, on her new jeans. So there I was staring at my Corona-soaked friend while listening to her ask to borrow my leather pants.

Now, I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t let her borrow my pants. I just bought these pants, and they were $274. And the sad thing is that’s not even the reason I couldn’t let her borrow them. These pants were supposed to give me the hot ass. Two hundred and seventy-four dollars was a small price to pay for me to feel what it’s like to be Eva - the sought-after pretty girl.

So because of my own insecurities, or let’s call it what it is - sick selfishness and narcissism - she and I made the trek back to her place so she could get another pair of jeans. She wasn’t even mad. She was in the best mood and so glad that I was with her. She suggested that we just “finish up” there, since her roommates were pre-partying too.

It seems like no sooner than we walked through her door, that Eva already had the hottest guy there following her around. I remember thinking it was so unfair. There she was, smelling like Mr. Corona had just puked on her and she still got all the attention.

She introduced the guy to me as Brad or maybe Aaron. For the life of me I can’t remember - I couldn’t even remember then. She excused us so that she could change her jeans. While she changed, she told me that this guy was in some of her classes, and how she never noticed how hot he was until tonight. I couldn’t believe the solace people take in a common interest of BioChem. My dumb luck for majoring in Econ.

When we went out to the party again, it took what’s-his-name about two seconds to find us. Two whole seconds. Some friends, or whoever the guys were standing behind him, were talking about Q’s, but he insisted that they had no definite plans. When Eva told him that we would be Calypso-bound, he assured us that he would be there too - and moments later, the three of us actually hopped on Bill’s Bus and went there together.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Eva was so happy - and I was happy for her. I can’t believe a night that started like that could have ended up like this…

Imani Rupert and Muriel Philips are media interns for the Rape Prevention Education Program.